Have your seatmates ever been terrible? Presenting the newlyweds who caused me to suffer on my fourteen-hour drive. They thought the jet was their honeymoon suite. When they pushed too far, I decided it was time to cause some turbulence of my own to give a memorable aviation etiquette lesson.
It’s claimed that love is in the air, but my most recent experience was a total disaster. Hello! I’m Toby, a 35-year-old man with an amazing story that will make you rethink your next vacation. Consider this: I’ve been away from home for what feels like an eternity, and now I’m on a plane, counting down the minutes until I can finally hold my wife and child. My trip was a total nightmare when two arrogant newlyweds arrived.
On my fourteen-hour flight, I had rewarded myself with a premium economy seat. To be honest, when you’re considering how many hours you’ll be spending in a metal tube, every inch of extra legroom counts.
As I settled in, feeling very happy with my decision, the man beside me cleared his throat.
“Hey there,” he said, grinning. “My name is Dave. I hate to ask, but would you mind taking my wife’s seat instead? We recently tied the knot, and, well, you know.
I smiled broadly in congratulations. “Dude, that’s fantastic. Well done! Where is your spouse seated?
Dave’s smile faltered a little as he pointed to the back of the plane. That back there is my Lia. in the economy.
Now I’m not a monster. I am aware that newlyweds desire closeness. But since I had paid a lot of money for this seat, I wasn’t going to give it up for free.
“See, Dave,” I said, trying to be nice. “I absolutely need the comfort, thus I paid more for this seat. However, I’d be willing to switch if you want to pay the difference, which is roughly $1,000 Australian dollars.
Dave’s expression darkened. “A thousand dollars? You must be joking with me.
I shrugged. I’m sorry, friend. That’s the matter. If not, I’m remaining where I am.
When I put my earphones in, I caught a glimpse of Dave’s face. Let’s just say that if looks could kill, I would have been dead by now.
He said, “You’ll regret this,” loud enough for me to hear.
I had no idea that those three statements would quickly transform my tranquil trip into a combat zone at 30,000 feet.
The coughing started first. It’s not just any clearing of the throat, either. We are discussing intense, hack-up-a-lung explosions, which made me question if I need to get a hazmat suit.
Trying not to lose my temper, I said, “You okay there, Dave?”
He gave me a look that made my blood boil. He wheezed, “Never better,” and then erupted again.
I was about to give him a cough drop, or even a whole pharmacy, when Dave made the bold move. Without wearing headphones, he pulled out his iPad and began playing an action movie.
The couple on the other side of the aisle gave us the stink look. “Hey, buddy,” the man said to Dave. “Will you mind refusing that?”
Dave smiled endearingly. I apologize for forgetting my headphones. We’ll all have to share in the fun, I suppose.
My knuckles were whitened as I clinched my teeth and gripped the armrest. “Come on, Dave. This isn’t cool.
He turned to me, his eyes glistening. “Oh, I apologize. Are you uncomfortable with me? That must be terrible.
Before I could respond, crumbs rained down on my lap. More pretzels fell on me than in his mouth, but Dave had somehow turned eating them into an Olympic sport.
He didn’t even try to hide his smirk as he murmured, “Oops.” “Butter fingers.”
I was about to lose it until I heard someone laughing down the aisle. Lia, Dave’s beautiful wife, stood there looking like the lucky charm.
“Is this seat taken?” she whispered, landing squarely in Dave’s lap.
You would think they had forgotten they were on a packed plane based on the way they started to carry on. I don’t mean to come out as prude. The laughing, the whispering, the other sounds. It felt like being trapped in a bad romantic comedy with no way to change the station.
But after an hour, I’d had enough of their antics.
“That’s it,” I whispered, and signaled a flight attendant who was walking by. “Time to use fire to put out fire.”
As the stewardess approached, all mushy eyes and pretty nothings, Dave and Lia upped the cheesy act.
“Is there a problem, sir?” the attendant asked, glancing at our row with a mix of suspicion and concern.
As I got ready to explain everything, I took a deep breath. This was going to be a good thing.
Loud enough for other travelers to hear, I yelled, “Is there a problem? Where should I begin, I wonder? “This flight has been transformed into the honeymoon suite for these two.”
The hostess arched an eyebrow as she glanced from me to the cuddling couple.
I continued, marking items off my list. “This lap dance situation,” I replied, pointing to Lia seated on Dave’s lap. “We’ve been coughing nonstop, watching a movie without headphones, and now there’s a shower of snack crumbs.”
Dave’s cheeks turned red. “We’re newlyweds!” he protested. “All we want to do is sit together.”
The stewardess’s professional mask revealed a fleeting moment of annoyance. “I know you’re celebrating, sir or ma’am, but we have to abide by the rules.”
Lia’s lashes twitched. “Are you unable to make an exception? We have a special day today.
I had to contribute my voice. For the past hour, it has been their “special day.”
The smug smirk on Dave’s face faltered. “But—”
The hostess interrupted, “No buts.” “And since you were transferred here without paying for this upgraded seat, you must strictly abide by all rules.”
I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling. The role reversal was a pleasant shift.
The stewardess’s eyes fell on Lia. “Ma’am, I will have to request that you take a seat again.”
Lia’s eyes widened. “You’re not serious! We’re wed!
With a tone that indicated she was done speaking, the hostess said, “Congratulations.” However, marriage does not grant you an exemption from airplane safety rules. Kindly take a seat again.
Dave tried to get in. We apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused. We swear to be quiet now.
The stewardess shook her head. Unfortunately, that is insufficient. You will both have to board the aircraft in economy class and go to the back because of your disruptive behavior.
Dave’s face turned pale. “The two of us? However, I paid—
The hostess interrupted to say, “As a courtesy, you were upgraded.” “You’ve abused a favor. Please get your belongings now.
As Dave and Lia reluctantly grabbed their belongings, I overheard snippets of their muffled argument.
Hissing Lia responded, “You are solely to blame for this.”
“My fault? It is you who—”
The hostess interrupted, “Enough.” “Please take a seat in the back of the aircraft.”
They darted by, red-faced and avoiding eye contact, and I couldn’t resist taking one more photo.
I muttered, “Enjoy your honeymoon,” while feigning a wave with my fingers.
I decided to smile and head back to my now-calm seat, despite the fact that Dave’s expression might have burned steel.
“Sir, do you need anything else?” The hostess turned to me and spoke.
I grinned as though I had struck gold. “Just some quiet time.” And perhaps a celebratory beverage?
When the hostess went to get my drink, I couldn’t get rid of the guilt. Had I been too harsh? No, I dismissed it. This was brought about by them.
One of the older men across the aisle gave me the thumbs up. He laughed and remarked, “Well played, son.” It brings back memories of my first marriage. At least we knew how to act in public, even though we were also young and stupid.
I grinned back. “Thank you. I was beginning to get the impression that I was on a secret camera program.
The woman next him stooped. You did us all a favor, honey. I was on the verge of shoving those pretzels down the boy’s throat.
The tension from earlier vanished as we all chuckled. It felt great to be with some friends.
I used the bottle to make a fake toast. To everyone’s ears, I yelled, “To peaceful flights and karma.” “Hear, hear!” came from the closed chairs.
As I was making my drink, Dave and Lia were on my mind constantly. Did they plot their revenge while seated in the back? Or had they at last realized how ridiculous their actions were?
My thoughts were interrupted by a ring from the intercom.
The captain’s comments reverberated throughout the cabin. “We anticipate some turmoil in the future, ladies and gentlemen. Please take your seatbelts back on and get comfortable.
I chuckled to myself. More turbulence? following our recent experience?
After taking a taste of my whiskey and coke, I glanced around once more. “Karma’s a witch!” I muttered.
As the turbulence subsided, the aircraft fell into a serene calm. I was starting to think about what might happen next when I heard a commotion behind me.
“I have to go to the restroom!” Lia spoke in a demanding, high-pitched voice.
When I turned around, she was standing in the aisle with Dave just behind her. The flight attendant who had helped me earlier appeared to be in a panic as she calmed her down.
“Please return to your seat, Ma’am,” the attendant said. The sign to buckle seatbelts is still in place.
“But it’s an emergency!” Lia cried out. and danced for emphasis.
It seems that the flight attendant was torn. “I get that, but regulations are regulations. The captain will have to turn off the seatbelt indication before you can proceed.
Lia’s expression collapsed. But I’m impatient! Please, please, please!
She had to have it from me. She had a great deal of acting talent. If I hadn’t known any better, I could have felt awful for her.
The attendant, clearly uncertain, sighed. “All right, but hurry up. And then immediately return to your seats, do you understand?
Dave and Lia nodded firmly, pushed past her, and made their way to the front of the plane. As they approached my row, I could not stop them. I rose and obstructed their path.
“Whoa there, folks,” I said, loud enough for other passengers to hear. We already resolved this, didn’t we? Remember the back of the plane?
Dave’s expression darkened. “Be mindful of your own affairs, friend. You’re not concerned about this.
I raised an eyebrow. Yes, I believe it does. We wouldn’t want any more… disturbances, would we?
Lia spoke, her voice painfully lovely. “Please, sir. This is merely a brief restroom break. We swear that we will return immediately.
My eyes shifted from her to Dave and finally to the flight attendant who had let them pass. This farce needs to end now.
“You know what?,” I said. You’re correct. “I’m just taking a bathroom break,” he said, and stepped aside. “All right.”
Dave and Lia sped by me, glancing at each other triumphantly. However, I wasn’t done yet. I glanced to the flight attendant and grinned.
I apologize; I was unable to avoid overhearing. Did you mention that these two are authorized to be up here?
The flight attendant’s forehead wrinkled into a frown. They claimed that there was an emergency, so I
I nodded empathetically. “I understand. And do you know that because of their earlier disruptive behavior, these two were specifically instructed to stay at the back of the aircraft?
The attendant’s eyes became wide. “No, I didn’t know about that.”
Just then the stewardess who had helped Dave and Lia before appeared. “Is there an issue here?” she asked, glancing at the two.
Dave’s face turned pale. Lia abruptly stopped her “emergency” dance.
I sat back and let the professionals handle things. “I think these two were just leaving,” I continued, feeling a little cocky.
The original hostess turned to Dave and Lia and frowned sharply. “I believed I was clear earlier. Go back to your seats. Right now.
“However…” Lia started, her mask wavering.
The hostess interrupted, “No buts.” Or would you rather that we speak with the air marshal about this?
That was it. Without another word, Dave and Lia slunk back to their economy seats, defeated.
Upon the jet’s descent into California, I couldn’t help but feel content. I was eager to see my loved ones because the rest of the trip had been really peaceful.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re starting our last approach to Los Angeles International Airport,” the captain said over the intercom. Please make sure your seatbelts are fastened and your seats are upright.
As we taxied to the gate, I gathered my bags, eager to get off the plane. The stewardess who had saved our bacon came up to me.
“I appreciate your patience today,” she said with a genuine smile. “We hope that despite the earlier disruptions, you had a comfortable flight.”
I grinned back. “I did, thanks to you. You did a wonderful job with that scenario.
She smiled at the compliment. “Sir, have a wonderful day!”
After the long drive, I stood up and stretched. Dave and Lia continued to avoid making eye contact with everyone as they walked down the aisle.
I felt a twinge of sympathy. They were probably just too excited about their honeymoon because they were young. But when I remembered their arrogant attitude, the sympathy went away.
As I walked past their row, I couldn’t resist taking one final farewell picture. “I hope everyone gained some knowledge today. Have fun on your honeymoon!
Dave said nothing, despite the fact that his cheeks turned a vivid red. Excellent work.
As I got off the plane, I felt victorious and excited to enjoy the rest of my trip. As I walked inside the terminal, I couldn’t help but laugh. It had been a very tough journey, but in the end, common sense and a little karma had won out.
I could see the happiness on my wife’s and child’s expressions as they waited for me. Every idea of Dave and Lia disappeared. That I was home was all that counted.