Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will be sure to make everyone smile! Ah, Christmas! The season when everything sparkles, people become a little more giving, and we all act like we look forward to eating fruitcake. These ten Christmas jokes are full of holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright.
Grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to laugh with these festive funnies! The holiday season is full of joy and laughter, whether you’re sitting by the fireplace or at a family get-together and need a way to start a conversation.
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
The first man reaches into his pockets, takes out a match, and lights it, saying with a hopeful smile, “This is a Christmas candle.” “Impressive,” says Saint Peter, waving him through. “But you each have to show me something that symbolizes Christmas tonight in order to enter heaven.”
The second man jangles a set of keys after reaching into his jacket. He smiles and says, “These are Christmas bells.”
Nodding, Saint Peter lets him go.
The third man then emerges with a pair of red underwear.
“And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?” says Saint Peter, perplexed.
This story, which is about holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband who wakes up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting, is sure to make you laugh until New Year’s Day. The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party, barely remembering how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping either. The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
When he opens his eyes, he sees that his nightstand has a single red rose, two aspirin, and a glass of water. The room is immaculate, and his clothing are folded nicely. In the bathroom, he sees he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a letter on the mirror.
Breakfast is on the stove, darling. To get groceries for your favorite dinner today, I departed early. I cherish you!
His son is already at the table, and a hearty breakfast is waiting in the kitchen.
What happened last night, Paul asks his son? “Well, you got home really late, completely inebriated, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.” Paul stutters, bewildered, “So why is everything so perfect this morning?
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. You shouted, “Leave me alone!” when your mother attempted to remove your trousers. “I’m married!”
Let’s continue with Christmas wishes that have a military theme. Particularly when you’re stationed far from home, sometimes you don’t get exactly what you ask for. Anyone who understands the hardships of living in uniform over the holidays should read this.
The Christmas Wish of the Soldier
In the mess hall, two soldiers are discussing their experiences of previous Christmases.
“That one Christmas, I’ll never forget it.” “I spent a whole week peeling potatoes.” “What happened?” his friend asks. “Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he remembers. “And what did you ask for?
A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Are you prepared for a divinely inspired joke? In the following tale, a monk who had been transcribing old books for years discovered a small error that