When Eric insisted on paying for our first date, I thought I had met a true gentleman. He arrived with a bouquet of roses, a sweet little gift, and charming conversation that seemed to flow effortlessly. Every romantic comedy cliché was unfolding before my eyes. I could already hear my best friend, Mia, smugly telling me, “I told you so.” She had set this up, after all.
I had my doubts when she first suggested it. “Come on, Kelly, just trust me. Eric is such a gentleman. You’ll love him,” she had gushed over the phone while I rifled through my closet, trying to decide what to wear.
“You’ve never set me up before,” I pointed out. “What makes you think you know my type?”
Mia was undeterred. “Because I know you better than anyone! And besides, Chris vouches for him too. They’ve been friends for ages.”
That made me think. Mia’s boyfriend, Chris, had excellent character judgment. Unless he truly meant it, he wasn’t the kind to get someone excited. Perhaps I should give this a try if he believed Eric to be decent.
“All right,” I sighed. “At least show me a picture.”
My phone pinged a few seconds later. Curious, I opened the message and looked at the picture. Eric had a nice smile, was well-groomed, and was well-groomed. Not too awful.
“All right,” I said. “He’s adorable.”
Mia gave a triumphant squeal. Send him a text! Get it going! You won’t be sorry.
I therefore consented to meet Eric for dinner at a new Italian restaurant by the river—fancy, but not intimidating—after exchanging a few lighthearted texts. The type of location where first
I arrived five minutes early, standing near the entrance while nervously checking my reflection in my phone camera. That’s when I spotted him. My pulse quickened a little. He looked just as he did in his picture—attractive in a polished, business-casual way. But what I hadn’t expected was the bouquet of roses in his hand.
Not flowers from the grocery store, either. These were tied with a ribbon and came from a real florist.
He smiled warmly and said, “You must be Kelly.” “These are for you.”
I was pleasantly delighted and exclaimed, “Wow, thank you.” “That wasn’t necessary for you to do.”
He answered coolly, “I thought I’d start the night off right.”
However, that wasn’t all.
He took a small gift box tied with a tidy cyan bow from the pocket of his jacket.
“What is this?” I raised an eyebrow in question.
“Just a small amount. “Open it up,” he said.
A stylish silver keychain featuring the letter “K” inscribed on it was found inside. delicate, unique, and genuinely somewhat considerate.
AMOUNT DUE ON DATE NIGHT INVOICE: One exceptional balance.
Below is a summary of the “services rendered” and the associated “charges.”
I initially believed it to be a joke. A strange attempt at humor that didn’t quite work. However, I almost had my morning coffee again as I read it.
The “charges” were absurd.
Rose Bouquet: 1 embrace
One coffee date (must be planned within a week) as a personalized keychain gift
Taking a sweet selfie together while opening the car door
Taking out the chair: Keeping hands for the upcoming date
Active Listening & Engaging Conversation: A comment regarding my appearance
Complete Dinner + Gratuity Included: No justifications for a second date
Then comes the kicker.
My phone exploded with angry texts a few minutes later.
“Amazingly mature.”
“I just wanted to set reasonable expectations because not everyone has a lot of money.”
“Chris makes a bad friend.”
“You simply lost out on a wonderful man.”
I blocked his number and gave him a single thumbs-up emoji.
I didn’t hear from Eric again after that.
However, that keychain? I held onto it. It was a funny memento from the most bizarre date of my life, not because it made me think of Eric.