A blonde saw a blonde rowing a boat in a wheat field while she was traveling down an old country road.
She stopped the car and pulled over to the side of the road. She watches the woman for a time from the side of the road, staring in shock. She called out to the blonde in the field when she could take it no more.
“Why are you in the middle of the field rowing a boat?”
The blonde in the field says, “Because it is an ocean of wheat,” and stops rowing.
The blonde is enraged as she stands by the side of the road.
In the field, she shouts at the blonde. “Blousies like you are the ones who defame the rest of us.”
With a simple shrug, the blonde in the field resumed her rowing.
“If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your ass,” exclaimed the ecstatic blonde at the side of the road after shaking her fist at the blonde in the field.
On a cruise ship, a magician had secured a comfy position.
His act was enhanced humorous by his parrot who would insult the magician after every trick, saying “Big deal, the cards up his sleeve.” or “He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!”
When the ship started to collapse one night, the magician and his cherished parrot narrowly made it to a small lifeboat while chaos raged. The magician and parrot drifted on the choppy waves for two days. The parrot, oddly, was sitting on the other end of the craft, simply gazing at the magician.
At last, on the fourth day, the parrot cried out, “All right, I give up. where the hell did you put the god damned boat!”
“Help me, please help me!” was the hysterical call that was placed to the fire department. A cat is yowling and meowing frequently and urgently. It will cause me pain. Could you please send the fire crew over immediately to assist me?
“Take it easy! Cats don’t hurt us. Just relax and wait until it leaves.”
“You don’t understand it is going to bite me; it is going to be fatal!”
“Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous. By the way, who is calling?”
I’m the parrot of Josephine, you moron! I need your aid, please!
All three sons fared extremely well for themselves after leaving home to pursue their fortunes.
When they recently got together, they talked about the things each of them had done to help their elderly mother. The first one said, “Well, I got Mom a big house in Beverly Hills.”
“I hired a full-time driver for her and purchased a Mercedes for her.”
“I’ve defeated you both,” the third said. “I got her this amazing parrot that can communicate with her.”
The mother wrote a thank-you note to each of the three sons a short while later.
The house you purchased was too large, Gerald. I have to clean the entire house, even though I only reside in one room. I’m too elderly to go anywhere, Milton, so the car is pointless. However, Robert, you are well aware of my preferences. The chicken tasted great.
END